POLL
If a race-oriented human rights group called the cancellation of your show “a victory for our community,” how would you respond?
- There is a 0% chance I’d continue to respect myself.
- There is a -15% chance I’d continue to respect myself.
- I would tear out the pages of The Souls of Black Folk and eat them until I vomited.
- I’d be on my way to the therapist’s office before I even finished reading the sentence.
5. I’d not leave the house for >1 month, wandering restlessly from my unmade bed to attempt to look myself in the eyes in the mirror, and failing, become enraged and then confused and then I would fall into the bathtub to cry and then back again. I would buy plane tickets to Africa and become so immersed in the “Authentic Culture” that upon returning, my friends—those who still tried to keep in touch with me—would start to deny ever knowing “that white guy in the dashiki.” Eventually my collection of hand-woven fans and whittled dolls and masks would grow so large that I would be forced to sleep on the floor, on piles of rugs. Maybe, hopefully, in 10 years or so I might begin to gather back up aspects of my old personality; I should never manage to pull all the pieces together.
6. Upon realizing that I am Glenn Beck I would become very, very unnerved. Then I would reflect on exactly how rich I am and eat a $20 hamburger.
